Stop Waiting for the Other Shoe To Drop and Start Practicing Gratitude
Have you ever wondered, "Things are going too well — I wonder when something bad is going to happen?"
If so, you’re not alone. Many refer to this idea as “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Or, if one thing seems to go wrong, we might hesitantly start looking around for more things to come crashing down.
I remember this overwhelming feeling when we brought my first baby home from the hospital. I felt so much love. And in the same moment, I had images of something terrible happening to her. This wasn’t a new idea. I’ve experienced joy while simultaneously dress-rehearsing tragedy before, but this one was the worst and lasted the longest.
What I didn't know then was that experiencing joy is the most vulnerable emotion that we can feel.
My daughter fulfilled many hopes and dreams for our family, and I was beyond happy. But, our human brains don't take a rest from looking for things that could hurt us. In a split second, my brain decided that losing this thing I loved so much could cause immeasurable hurt. So, in order to protect itself, as if it could, my brain imagined the baby being taken away and trying to figure out how to survive the loss. If you’ve experienced something similar, you’re not the only one — 95% of parents report experiencing something similar.
"Based on our research, I define joy as an intense feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure and appreciation." - Brené Brown
Foreboding Joy
It's not just love for our children that causes these spiraling thoughts to happen. Anytime we feel immensely happy, our brain has the potential to warn us about it. Sometimes, when I take a trip and we finally reach our destination, feeling the warm, humid breeze and the smell of tropical flowers, I feel joy and immediately hope nothing goes wrong. This thought process happens more than we realize.
"If you're afraid to lean into good news, wonderful moments and joy-if you find yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop, are not alone. It's called ‘foreboding joy,’ and most of us experience it." -Brené Brown
The problem is foreboding joy doesn't adequately prepare us for tragedy anyway. It actually robs us of experiencing the happiness that we could all use more of. The moment of satisfaction is cut short, and scary thoughts replace the delight. While I appreciate our brains are just trying to protect us, this is NOT HELPFUL in living a joyful and peace-filled life.
Like so many stories our brain creates, it's important to pay attention to them and check the conspiracies and confabulations they give us. We need to ask ourselves if this thought is helping us be fully present in this moment and fully experience our emotions. If not, thank your brain for trying to help, then stop the thought, and ask it to quiet down.
"Gratitude is an emotion that reflects our deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives, and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others." – Brené Brown
Replacing a negative thought with a positive one is an act of gratitude. It helps us to lean into the vulnerability and discomfort and allows us to prolong the feeling.
We need more joy in our lives, not less. Joyful experiences help us build our resilience skills, and improves our mental health.
Tragedy is inevitable. The pain isn't mitigated because we've rehearsed it. Rather, we've now experienced even more tragedy because our brain doesn’t always know the difference between things that are real and things that are imagined. The pain isn't less painful because we've allowed ourselves to experience it over and over. Instead, we've lost the moment.
Leaning in and practicing gratitude allows us to fully feel joy. It's important to experience our painful feelings as well as our amazing ones because the contrast helps us appreciate the full spectrum of emotions and moments that this beautiful life gives us.
Practice leaning into joy by finding things in your day to feel joyful about. Allow the vulnerability and see how much joy can multiply.
Look around. Here are some (often missed) things to enjoy today:
The smell of coffee in the morning
Fresh air
Sunsets
Birds chirping
A hot shower
Time with people you love
Creating something
Acknowledging a job well done
Health
Good food
Petting your animal
I’m going to close with a snippet of an article from Brené Brown, which originally appeared on Oprah.com.
“Though I study scary emotions like anger and shame for a living, I think the most terrifying human experience is joy. It's as if we believe that by truly feeling happiness, we're setting ourselves up for a sucker punch. The problem is, worrying about things that haven't happened doesn't protect us from pain. Ask anyone who has experienced a tragedy; they'll tell you there is no way to prepare. Instead, catastrophizing, as I call it, squanders the one thing we all want more of in life. We simply cannot know joy without embracing vulnerability—and the way to do that is to focus on gratitude, not fear.” Source: Oprah.com
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