Women: What’s the Real Cost of Our Short-Term Spending?

Women, what’s this costing us?

Look around you. You work hard for everything you have.

Yet, at the same time, consumer credit card debt is at an all-time high — some are underemployed, and others are overspending. 

So, how do we, as women, make smart decisions with our money? 

As women, we tend to spend a lot of money on things that make us feel a certain way in the moment. But then, we think twice about spending money on things that will help us feel good long-term. 

WHY do we do this?

Let me explain…

Remember, our primitive brain is 100% concerned with our survival. It doesn’t think about the future. It’s only interested in how we feel right now. So, if we feel discomfort, our basic brain tells us to make it go away using any necessary means. 

Here are some examples of how this plays out for a lot of women:

• When we feel hungry and tired, skipping the dishes and ordering takeout seems like a better option than whipping up something at home.

• You’re scrolling Instagram and see your favourite store is having a fall sale, so you buy some things you didn’t budget for.

• You're spending a lot of time and energy being upset and thinking about a relationship that isn’t working — instead of going to therapy to learn some skills and tools to manage the situation differently.

• You want to be more active and think that watching YouTube workout videos will motivate you to exercise at home, whereas signing up with a friend to attend a few classes at a gym will ensure that you get there and make it happen.

• You feel burnt out and overwhelmed with the pace of life and work, so you opt for a second glass of wine, a little online gambling, some impulse purchases, and a big bag of barbeque chips to make yourself feel better temporarily. Instead, you could attend a workshop or retreat to help you manage your life differently so that there’s no need for any of these numbing behaviours.

Sure, it costs us money in the short term, but what about the long run?

The consequences of this short-sighted decision-making run deeper than just our pocketbooks. When we’re not at our best, our numbing behaviours and the results of those behaviors add even more stress to our lives, our relationships, our work, and even our bodies.

Here’s what’s going on in our brains with these money situations. 

We experience unintentional thoughts.

The circumstance — I have an immediate desire to spend money or time on myself — therapy, workshops, classes, a massage, new clothes.

The thoughts — ”It’s too expensive, I don’t deserve it, it's not my money because I didn’t earn it, there’s not enough money, I’ll never have enough money, I can figure it out myself, it shouldn’t be that hard to do on my own, I can make it myself, I can do it on my own, I can learn how to do it myself, everyone else seems to figure it out…”

The body feels it — in the chest.

The emotions — anxious, scared to ask, guilty even thinking about it.

The action — don’t take action, spend money on everyone else, spend money on things to make me feel better, and not the things I really want.

The result — spendinh=g money on numbing, feeling worse, feeling guilty and resentful, thinking, “I don’t get what I want, I’m not having fun, I spend impulsively.”

Now, let’s use our bougie brains on purpose.

How to use our bougie brain or prefrontal cortex to solve our issues and invest our money in things that will help us feel better in the long term.

The circumstance  — I have an immediate desire to spend money or time on myself — therapy, workshops, classes, a massage, new clothes.

The thoughts — “I’m just as important as everyone else, I want to model a healthy relationship with money. There’s enough money, and if I want more, I’ll figure out how to earn more, my mental, physical, and intellectual health are important, and I will make progress faster if I’m coached or take a class. Experience is expensive, even though I can do it or learn it myself, I likely will not put the time aside to do it or allow myself to concentrate and focus on a new skill in a class.”

The feelings — confident, happy, fulfilled.

The action — spending money on what really matters to me and will give me joy.

The result — spend intentionally, act in ways that reinforce to me that I’m as important as everyone else, and have more money because I’m not wasting it on things that make me feel better in the moment.

I love teaching clients and workshop participants how to work with our bougie brains.

Here’s what I suggest to do next:

1. Plan: Write down all of the things you want to do and purchase

2. Make a budget outlining how much each item will cost

3. Timeline your desires — when can you reasonably expect to purchase these things?

4. Make a plan for the shortfall — perhaps you take on a side gig, request a grant, or ask for a discount.

The bottom line is that life is hard, and you cannot escape it. However, you get to pick when you feel the hardness of it all. You can feel it now and work towards something that will benefit you in the long run, like saying yes, feeling the guilt, doing it anyway, and growing personally and professionally.

OR 

You can feel the hard later, which are the consequences of the coping skills that help in the short term but don’t set you up for success later and often leave you in a worse situation.

Ask yourself, what would the future you want you to do? 

You are worth the investment!