Reflect, Adjust, Succeed: Goal-Setting Using the Scientific Method
"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do." – Brené Brown.
When people reach out to me for therapy or a workshop, they're looking to initiate a change in their lives. They usually have some idea of what result they'd like to see but aren't sure how to get there.
One of the first things that helps make a change is to become consciously aware of what you're doing.
Many of us go through the motions and hope that things will change. This is not how most changes in the direction you want them to go work. Movement in a particular direction requires intentionality, planning, and usually way more effort than we ever thought it "should" take. Nothing has gone wrong. We only have to adjust our expectations and gather data.
Try the scientific method for setting smarter goals.
When we use the scientific method we all learned in school, we form a hypothesis, test it, and then see what result we get. Based on the result, we can adjust and test our new experiment. Based on our learning, we keep adjusting until we get the desired result.
During a science experiment, we don't shame ourselves when the result doesn't turn out as we thought it would. We get curious and enjoy the process while trying to solve the puzzle.
What if we approach life with the same curiosity?
We try something, learn from our successes and failures, and become curious about how to keep improving based on evidence.
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results," a quote commonly attributed to Albert Einstein. Here's what he actually said, "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
Think back over the last year. It requires courage to reflect on what we loved and didn't love, how we spent our time, and how we acted. Think about the best parts, the struggles, and what you're doing better. What did you learn about yourself?
Take five minutes and write down the things that stand out for you.
Now, let's create a hypothesis or two.
What do you want to keep moving forward? Identify habits, relationships, or practices that have contributed to personal growth. Examples: Regular exercise, daily journaling, or cultivating a supportive community
What do you want to let go of from the past year? Identify things that no longer serve you (toxic relationships, unhelpful beliefs, harmful habits). Examples: Perfectionism, overcommitment, and fear of failure.
What do you want to introduce into your life? Based on the reflections, propose new behaviors, beliefs, or goals that align with values and contribute to further growth. Example: Practicing gratitude, setting more explicit boundaries, taking more risks.
Remember that a hypothesis is based on observations but isn't set in stone.
You can modify it after testing.
Your goals are the same.
Now, it's time to test things out. Be careful of "all or nothing" thinking, which will have our brain saying that unless we can do it perfectly, then we've failed. There are many other outcomes than failure.
Think of small, low-risk tests to explore change. It's not about big sweeping actions but micro-level experiments. Some examples:
Testing a "keep" behavior by committing to a new exercise routine for 30 days.
Testing a "let go" behavior by setting a boundary in a relationship and assessing how you feel.
Testing an "introduce" behavior by dedicating 10 minutes per day to mindfulness or creative expression.
As you test your hypothesis, stay curious and compassionate!
Now, evaluate your results.
Do you want to measure every day? Every week? Every month? I like to reflect on the first of every month to see what's working and what needs adjustment. I find that if I only reflect once a year, at New Year's, then I miss opportunities to reset, and things can go the wrong direction down the tracks or get neglected. It helps to put a reminder in your calendar to spend an hour reflecting on goals and progress each month. Did you get the results you wanted? Were there any unexpected outcomes? Things not going according to plan should be expected, and wins need to be celebrated!
Ask yourself:
Did the changes I made align with my values and goals?
What surprised me?
What was harder or easier than I expected?
How did I feel about myself during this experiment?
Did I lean into discomfort or shy away from it?
What you'll learn from this process is that emotional and sometimes physical discomfort will lead you to the results you want. Making good choices about what this means for you, but change usually isn't easy or comfortable. My brain likes to tell me that achieving my goals should be easy and comfortable, and I get cranky when that's not the case. It doesn't mean anything has gone wrong. It only means that we have learned that our thoughts and expectations might be the problem, not our goal. Persistence and measuring results so that we can adjust with the scientific method is a sure way to success.
When I reflect on the past year, I see that there have been a lot of changes that have been outside of my control. However, with lots of support, therapy, and reflection, what I have planned for 2025 excites me!
Life will always throw us curve balls, and our ability to feel, accept, reflect, and pivot determines our outcome. Trust me, I had a few internal temper tantrums about some of the curve balls that came my way, but I've taken the time to take charge and continue creating the life I want despite the circumstances. In fact, some of the curve balls were the push I needed to lean even more into my authenticity, which is one of my values.
Thank you for being a part of my journey. I appreciate all of your emails and comments about the topics I discuss each week. I wish you lots of love, light, and joy in the coming year!
