New Situations Can Be Stressful — Here’s How To Handle It
Have you ever come across a situation where, despite your best planning, things didn't go your way?
I think it's quite common in everyday life. I recently took a trip with my family to Vancouver for a competition and a concert. We had a spacious schedule and some fun things planned, but I still had lots of opportunities to pay attention to my stress level and practice integrity, which is doing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy.
New situations are particularly good at pushing our anxiety buttons because we don't know what to expect.
Our brains typically like predictability and fear uncertainty.
When we're taking on an adventure that may be stressful, it can be helpful to set an intention. This can help as a decision-making tool when we're not sure how to proceed. My intentions for this Vancouver trip were to support my child in competition, connect with family and friends, and enjoy some time away from work.
The first "challenge" happened when my older daughter's flight was delayed.
We had tickets to see Cirque de Soleil at 7 p.m., and her plane was supposed to land at 4 p.m. We knew it could be tight, but she could go to the theatre directly from the airport if worst came to worst.
While supporting my younger daughter at her competition, conversing with friends who had met us there to watch, trying to make dinner reservations, and then continuously getting "delayed again" notifications from my oldest daughter, I noticed it was becoming hard to focus on anything.
I decided to take a breath, prioritize, and manage my mind.
The competing daughter came first, and my husband helped with her, dinner reservations with friends came next, and then I needed to let go of the outcome of my oldest's plane delays. I wasn't in control of the airline, and if they ended up missing Cirque, it would be too bad, but there was nothing I could do about it.
We all ended up fed, and sadly, my oldest didn't arrive at her room at the hotel until after midnight that night, but I salvaged what could have easily been a terrible experience with me stressed out and taking it out on everyone around me. I had thoughts and feelings about my daughter missing Cirque, but I also worked hard to redirect my thoughts toward being present in the moment and being grateful for the great experience I was having with the people who were there.
The next challenge was getting ready to leave for the concert, a few days later.
I knew I needed time to shower, get ready, get all of us to a restaurant I'd never been to, get to the concert on time, and then back to the hotel again on the subway. I gave myself lots of time, but getting four girls out of the door proved challenging. We were meeting family at the restaurant, and I opted to take the subway there instead of an Uber so that we could get return tickets for after the concert. I ended up not having enough time to get to the restaurant on time because I didn’t anticipate that it would be a 15-minute walk from the subway. I felt the tension in my body rising, but instead of worrying about what my family would think if I showed up late and made everyone rush, I decided that being stressed wouldn't get me there any faster.
This was the first time I was doing all this, so I needed to give myself some grace. In addition, I knew that a sense of humor would serve me well at that moment. I wanted to embrace new experiences and find the joy in the adventure.
It turned out that we were only a couple of minutes late — while our family was almost 15 minutes late. I was almost worried for nothing! I then was able to have compassion for the family members who found themselves stuck in traffic, and I had no judgement towards them about it because I had worked through compassion and grace for myself earlier, and knew what they must have been going through
Had I not done that mindset work, I would have been grumpy, racing to get there, barking at everyone, and then annoyed at the latecomers. I'm glad that didn't happen!
Here's a run-down of all of the stressful situations from the week:
Figuring out where to go
Managing delays in competition
Performance anxiety
Navigating new destinations
Getting ready to go on a timeline
Checking out of the hotel on time and not leaving anything behind
Hungry/tired/cold people and couldn't decide where to eat
Kids arguing
People arriving late to a restaurant
Kids did not arrive for the event
Traffic- delayed on the way to the airport
Flight delays
Here's where my unconscious mind went:
Thought: I'm overwhelmed
Body sensations: chest tension, heart racing, tight muscles, heart beating hard
Feeling: panic-y
Action: get short with people, rush around
Result: not having fun, getting too serious, not nice to people, regretting my behavior, blaming others for my actions and feelings
Now, if I manage my thoughts intentionally:
Thoughts: I will give myself time. I'm doing my best and can only do what I can. It will all work out. Being stressed won't get me there faster. My choices have led me to this moment. Let's see how it turns out; I will learn from this situation. I've never done this before, so I need to give myself some grace; a sense of humor will serve me well in this moment. I want to embrace new experiences and find joy in the adventure.
Feelings: Calm, curious
Action: be more fun to be around
Result: do my best to make good choices and let go of the outcome. I don't control everything. My family is happier because I’m calm. I have a great time regardless of the circumstances.
We know that stressful situations will happen — it's how we manage them that matters most.
If you're finding it increasingly difficult to manage your emotions and actions when you're stressed, and even finding yourself more stressed than usual, therapy can help. Explore what therapy can look like for you.
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