8. Strong Boundaries: Your Defense Against Overwhelm
Overwhelmed? Try mastering your boundaries.
Boundaries are a hot topic that every psychologist talks to their clients about.
I see it a lot in my practice. Many of my one-on-one clients tell me that they think they should have strong boundaries. And in many areas of their lives, they have good boundaries.
But they're quite hard on themselves when they detect where they've let them slide.
The thing is, it's not their fault if they're not good at boundaries in all areas of their lives (the same goes for you, too 😉).
Why are boundaries so hard?
Boundaries can be so tricky because we were brought up in a system that expects obedience. We were generally not allowed to voice our opinions to parents or teachers and were punished if we did. Of course, there's a time and place for parents and teachers to have expectations and for kids to accept influence.
In past generations, however, that was considered the only option, and kids were seen as disrespectful if they disagreed. We now know that high expectations, holding children accountable, and considering their thoughts and feelings have the best outcomes.
Unfortunately, many of us were left with the ongoing impact of being quieted.
We learned that other people's comfort was more important than our own and that there were consequences to making other people upset.
Now, we know that our well-being is just as important as other people's and that we're not responsible for other people's feelings.
The good news is that you already have boundaries in some areas.
Now, we need to apply these boundaries to ALL areas of our lives.
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself if it's because of a lack of boundaries.
This is a REALLY important topic, and we need to keep talking about boundaries. You'll hear some of the reasons why in this week's episode.
You'll also hear:
Practical steps, including what to say to help set and stick to boundaries in various settings, such as with kids, at work, and with friends and family
The common misconceptions many people have around boundaries
Brené Brown's research on the correlation between boundaries and generosity
Why identifying our feelings and taking action when boundaries are crossed is essential to upholding boundaries without guilt or conflict
The trick to holding strong boundaries without guilt (the answer might surprise you).
Sending you strength as you explore your boundaries this week. If you need support in this area, you're not alone. Get in touch.
Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction to Setting Boundaries
00:51 The Importance of Boundaries
01:26 Common Misconceptions About Boundaries
03:04 The Impact of Upbringing on Boundaries
13:09 Practical Steps to Setting Boundaries
17:19 Handling Reactions to Boundaries
25:38 The Link Between Compassion, Empathy, and Boundaries
27:49 Managing Our Thoughts and Emotions Concerning Boundaries
30:36 Setting Boundaries without Guilt
46:15 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Tune in!
