Don’t Know Where To Start With Therapy? Start Here.
Meeting with a therapist for the first time can bring up lots of fears and unknowns. This is totally normal.
First, there are the main reasons for bringing you to therapy, to begin with. Taking the step to consult with and then do the uncomfortable work with a therapist is an act of bravery (so bravo!)
And beyond my clients' initial reasons for meeting with me, they're often worried about a list of little "extra" things. This can only add to the stress.
Things like…
Not knowing where to start.
Is it okay to ask questions?
How much do I need to share?
Will this be vulnerable?
What if I offend my therapist?
What do I do if I disagree with them?
How do I know what to expect?
I'm embarrassed about my situation.
What if she thinks I'm crazy?
I'm worried about feeling judged.
I don't know if I can do this.
How long will it take to feel better?
If you have (or had) any of these questions swirling around in your mind as you step into your therapist's office (or get on a virtual call with them), you are not alone.
Know this → as a therapist, I've heard it all.
Nothing is shocking to me. And, even though it feels like you're the only one with these concerns, trust that there's a good chance I've heard it before.
In this article, I hope to put your mind at ease so you can get to the root of your concerns. That's the whole reason why you're engaging a therapist!
16 Tips To Make the Most of Therapy
Come to each session with a question or issue.
It's okay if you're not sure what you want to talk about and don't even know where to begin. As an example, a therapist might ask you to tell them about the last thing that made you mad, and then you can go from there.Be willing to ask questions.
Ask as many questions as you like. To help you feel comfortable you're welcome to ask questions of your therapist to get to know them and build trust.We're not mind readers.
Sometimes, I wish I had this skill! If you need something from your therapist, please ask. And if there's something you think we should know, please share it. There's no need to ever worry about telling us "too much." Every bit of information you share is helpful.Be willing to be vulnerable.
Legally, registered psychologists cannot share what you tell us. The vulnerable details you share may change how we approach an issue with you.Don’t worry about offending your therapist.
Know that it's safe to ask the hard questions. It’s probably not the first time we’ve had this discussion. If you think we’ve misunderstood or you disagree with what we’ve said, let us know. If I think you understand a concept, I’ll move on to the next one. If your brain is protesting an idea, then we need to spend some more time on it. It’s important that we don’t skip any steps.Tell us your expectations.
Therapists are trained to assess people, but we will not formally create a report on paper unless it's helpful to you or you ask us to. Our role is to provide options for managing the things you say are a problem for you.Share anything.
There are few things most therapists haven’t heard before. Your willingness to show up and share is brave, and we fully recognize this!Be aware of your shame triggers that lead to defensiveness.
Consider if you want your therapist to perceive you in a particular way (or not). Think about how any of your triggers could get in the way of being open to your therapy experience.We're not judging you.
Don’t worry about how something you share sounds to us. It's very hard to shock a therapist. We may even expect to hear what you have to say.Change is uncomfortable.
We're human, too. We know change is challenging, and a therapist's role is to support you through it.Showing up is enough.
At the beginning of a session, I often ask my clients what’s one thing they hope to take away from our session.Expect a little discomfort.
There are times when the truth is hard to hear. Even if you disagree at first, at least consider what your therapist has offered to you.
We think you’re awesome for your bravery.
We already appreciate you because you've demonstrated that you're willing to work on your life. We wish more people would! We have therapists, too, so we completely understand.Be patient.
One session is often enough to feel better, but ongoing therapy can help you make the necessary adjustments that will change your life in many positive ways. I recommend every 1-2 weeks for 3 to 6 months. If money is ever an issue, talk to me. You might be surprised to hear about your options.Be a good student.
Take notes and complete any research or homework we discuss in between sessions.We want you to feel better.
Yes, this is our profession, and we get paid, but we don’t want to waste our time or resources, and we want to do everything possible to support you in achieving your goals.
By asking yourself these questions and getting curious about how you can make the most of therapy, I get a sense that you'll be a wonderful client and get tremendous value out of therapy.
Keep showing up for yourself and …
You'll make good decisions for yourself and learn from what doesn't go as planned.
You'll learn how to take accountability — this gives you power.
You'll learn to set boundaries and hold other people accountable.
You'll learn to make decisions that are best for yourself now and in the future.
You'll learn to embrace your flaws.
Therapy works best when we each put in 100% effort.
People’s thoughts and beliefs are at the root of their decisions and problems, so being open to changing your mind or being willing to be wrong is vital to making positive changes.
And I’m here to help you with this process! Explore how we can work together here.
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