The Psychology of Burnout: Causes and Cures
Let’s talk about something that so many of us know too well — burnout.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re running on fumes, questioning your purpose, or just too exhausted to care, this is the article that will deliver answers!
It’s probably no surprise that I’ve experienced burnout. In just a few years, I went from running a household with two babies to managing a household and building a school playground. Then, soon after, my mom passed away.
Then, I was juggling a household and running a successful business. I even received a Top 40 Under 40 award for it all — but recognition didn’t slow the burnout train.
It took me five years to seek support for burnout, and while it helped, it wasn’t enough.
Four years later, after caring for my grandmother until her passing, I hit a breaking point. I wasn’t sleeping. I had gained weight. I thought I had dementia. I wasn’t happy. Eventually, I had no choice but to retire from my job.
Burnout isn’t just being tired — it’s a full-body, full-heart experience that changes the way we see ourselves and the world.
And here’s the kicker — it’s not about working too much. It’s about working in a way that drains us dry. Burnout doesn’t happen overnight-it’s a slow erosion. It starts when we stay in a state of chronic stress for too long.
I had incredibly high expectations of myself. I thought I should be able to maintain the level of productivity that I had on my most productive days. I beat myself up when I would get distracted, tired, or bored. Life became a grind and was not much fun.
The quick science breakdown is that cortisol, adrenaline, and stress hijack our ability to rest.
Our bodies are wired for survival. When we experience stress — whether it’s a looming deadline, an overwhelming workload, or constant pressure to meet expectations — our nervous system kicks into fight-or-flight mode.
This response is driven by two key stress hormones:
Stress Hormone 1. Adrenaline: The Immediate Alarm System
Adrenaline is like your body’s emergency broadcast system. When stress hits, your brain signals your adrenal glands to release a surge of adrenaline.
Its effects include an increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and sharpened focus. Your body is preparing to fight off a threat or run from it — great if you’re facing a bear, not so great if it’s just your inbox.
Adrenaline is short-lived. Once the perceived threat passes, it should fade. But if stress is constant, your system stays on high alert.
Stress Hormone 2. Cortisol: The Long-Term Stress Hormone
Cortisol steps in after adrenaline to keep you alert and energized for extended stress. It raises blood sugar, suppresses non-essential functions (like digestion and immunity), and keeps you wired.
The problem happens when stress becomes chronic, cortisol stays elevated, leading to:
Fatigue and difficulty sleeping (your body thinks you need to stay alert).
Increased inflammation (raising the risk of illness).
Brain fog and memory issues (too much cortisol shrinks the hippocampus, the brain’s memory center).
Emotional exhaustion and burnout.
3 Ways Stress Hijacks Rest
When your stress response is always “on,” your body forgets how to power down, leading to:
Sleep Disruption: High cortisol levels at night make falling and staying asleep harder.
Overactive Mind: A brain wired for stress keeps spinning — ever felt exhausted but unable to shut off your thoughts? That’s stress hijacking your rest.
Emotional Numbness: Long-term stress dulls the brain’s ability to process joy and relaxation, making even rest feel unfulfilling.
I found that perimenopause symptoms were also popping up since I was in my mid-40s. Because I was overworking and overwhelmed, I also stopped doing the “extra” things I’ve now learned are essential, like exercise, eating well, sleeping, hobbies, and socializing. I started doing more of the things that feel good at the moment but have negative long-term impacts, like working at night, drinking, scrolling social media, socially isolating, and long periods of sitting.
It’s not just “I need a vacation.”
It’s “I don’t know who I am without being busy.”
When I started seriously contemplating leaving my job (I didn’t see another way to make things better at the time), I would instantly have a flash of panic and wonder who I would be if I weren’t an executive director.
My job had become my identity and the place where I cultivated my self-worth. Busy-ness also became a status symbol. I could feel good about myself because I was important enough to be very busy.
While I didn't recognize it at the time, I now know that there are three stages to burnout:
Overload – This is the hustle. It’s working harder and harder, thinking that if we just push through, we’ll be okay. I really didn’t think it was a problem that I was working so hard at first. I kept thinking that if I worked hard now, I’d catch up to where I needed to be, and then the future would be easier. The problem was that there was no finish line. Overworking became my new normal.
Apathy – This is where we stop caring. We lose motivation and joy and feel disconnected. It looks like being in a meeting, and you don’t even have the energy to roll your eyes anymore. I started to get annoyed by people who wasted my time or asked me to do things. My husband learned not to call me during the day with questions he could ask me when he got home because I would be short with him. I had no time for things that weren’t emergencies.
Collapse is when our bodies and minds say, ‘Enough.’ We get sick and shut down, and even the simplest tasks are impossible. I thought I should do something for my health, so I started doing 10-minute morning workouts because I felt that was easy and efficient. I will never forget the morning that one of the exercises was jumping jacks, and I could barely do 10. That was a wake-up call. I also started to forget things. I’d walk into a room, not remember why I was there, and at times, it never did come to me. I started forgetting the names of things, making it hard to tell a story. If I wasn’t working on something important, then I only had the energy to sit on the couch and watch TV. I felt like I was 88, and I was only 44. And things kept getting worse, despite all of my attempts to make my body and mind healthier.
I worried about what would come next if I quit this job, the job I created. I didn’t want to let my people down, and yet I didn’t want to keep letting myself down. I didn’t even have the energy to figure out what I would do for work, but I needed a break. I was also afraid that I would have no friends. I hadn’t really socialized outside of corporate events for almost seven years. Would my friends hang up when I finally called them? I also thought it would take me about six months of not working to feel better. It actually took almost two years. I had lots of uncertainty about the future and often thought about worst-case scenarios.
I’ve made it through to the other side of burnout and lived to tell the tale.
I did this by focusing on recovering and healing. It took time, therapy, experimenting, coaching, and reading lots of books to figure out what to do.
I knew I had to stop doing so many things, but the biggest shift came from really understanding WHY I was doing them. Once I figured that out, I put effort into practicing these new ways of thinking.
I realized that what I was looking for all along was validation and approval. I had the validation and approval of my friends and family, so I started hustling for my worthiness with strangers and people who were not as important to me. It sounds weird when I say it out loud, but our brains are tricky creatures. Our brain wants EVERYONE’S approval so that we can feel safe and loved. The reality is that we can’t get everyone’s approval, and even if we could, not everyone matters to us. There are a small number of people in this world who have earned the right to hear our stories, and their opinions are the ones we truly care about.
I was going about it all wrong. I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. I simply needed to decide that I was worthy and act like I was worthy just because I existed. This is called grounded confidence. When someone has grounded confidence, they believe they are just as important as anyone else and deserve to be taken care of.
Here are a few more things I started practicing. I got these ideas from the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. The practices didn't come naturally at first, but I got better at it the more I did them.
The Cure for Burnout: Completing the Stress Cycle
The Nagoskis emphasize that stress is a biological process — not just a mental state. You can’t just “think” your way out of burnout; you have to signal to your body that the threat is over physically. Here’s how:
1. Physical Activity (The #1 Strategy) 🏃♀️
Movement is the most effective way to complete the stress cycle.
Walking, running, dancing, yoga — whatever gets your heart rate up helps flush out stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.
Even just shaking your body (yes, literally shaking) can help release tension.
2. Deep, Slow Breathing 😮💨
Long exhalations tell your nervous system it’s safe.
Inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds — this activates the rest-and-digest system.
3. Positive Social Connection 🫂
Friendly interactions — like chatting with a barista or hugging a friend — help your brain feel safe again.
The 20-Second Hug Rule: A long, warm hug can lower cortisol and boost oxytocin (the “connection” hormone).
4. Laughter 🤣
Deep belly laughs reset the nervous system and signal safety.
Watch a funny video, listen to a comedy podcast, or be silly with friends.
5. Creative Expression 🎨
Writing, painting, singing — creative activities allow emotions to move through you.
Even listening to music that resonates with your feelings helps.
6. Crying 😭
Tears are a natural way to release stress chemicals.
Ever felt better after a good cry? That’s your body completing the cycle.
7. Physical Affection 💕
Kissing, cuddling, or having sex with a safe partner helps lower stress hormones.
Even petting an animal can provide this type of stress relief.
Your Small, Daily Actions Matter
The key isn’t one big burnout fix — it’s consistently completing the stress cycle every day. If you feel burned out, don’t just remove stressors and manage your mindset — actively help your body let go of stress.
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