What is Overwhelm? Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms

When my kids were little, and I was working full time, I remember feeling overwhelmed quite often. I was constantly tired because sleep seemed elusive when someone always had the sniffles. 

At the time, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the perfect mom and wife. At work, I was not only trying to do good work, but in my mind, I was never doing enough. Then there were the extended family pressures, and some days, if a small thing happened, like getting a flat tire, I was pushed over the edge. 

Life wasn't much fun, and I'm sure I wasn't much fun around. 

However, I had great kids, a great husband, a great job, and everything I could have ever wanted. 

So why wasn't I happier and able to cope? 

And what took me from normal day-to-day stress to overwhelm on a regular basis?

In the book Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brené Brown, she describes the difference between stress and overwhelm. 

Stress is what happens to our minds and bodies when we have a lot happening all at the same time. 

Overwhelm occurs when we have unhelpful thoughts about the stress. Thoughts like, "This is unfair," "I can't handle this," or, "This is too much." Overwhelming thoughts push us over the edge to feel like life is out of control.

Our thoughts about our circumstances control how we feel about them. 

It may not always seem like it, but we have control over our response to the immediate and chronic stressors we encounter. In fact, for the most part, we even get to decide if we get stressed about anything at all!

Overwhelm is optional. This is great news!

Between a stressful event and our response to it, there's a space where we get to decide how we want to proceed. If we use that time to breathe and consider our options, we can align our responses with our best selves. 

Sometimes, we think we need to respond to situations immediately, but this is not the case. It's actually better to take a beat, or a day or week, to respond to something that makes you feel a certain way. The difference is that responding right away has us reacting from our protective instincts, which tell us that we are in a life-or-death situation even when we're not. If we take a moment, we respond from a thoughtful place in our brain, giving us the best chance of being true to who we want to be.

Think of a scenario that consistently pulls you out of your integrity. A situation you can predict with almost 100% certainty will push your buttons. Now, think about how you wish you could respond if you were calm, grounded, and centered, and your actions came from the best part of you. 

What would be your calm, cool, collected, no-drama response? 

Do you need to respond? 

Next time you're in such a situation, take a deep breath and count to ten. Practice responding with loving kindness towards others and yourself and see how that changes the outcome. 

Here are some optional thoughts you can experiment with:

"What is the bright side of this situation?" 

"I'm doing the best I can." 

"It will all work out eventually." 

"Getting upset will not get me there faster." 

"I'm going to use this time to meditate."

Chronic stress increases adrenaline and cortisol. 

It takes a toll on our health, emotions, and energy levels. Our relationships with our families and coworkers then suffer as a result because we're moodier and not so fun to be around. We end up not taking good care of ourselves because we start to look for quick ways to feel better, like scrolling Instagram instead of working out, munching on treats instead of making a nutritious meal, staying up late to binge-watch Netflix or playing video games instead of getting a night of good sleep. It's a vicious cycle and one of those paradoxes in life — it feels good in the moment but makes things worse later.

Fortunately, I learned to observe my thoughts and practice taking a breath when I felt overwhelmed. I started getting faster at noticing my thoughts and feelings in the moment and choosing from an intentionally calm place. I can now handle many things all at once and know how to slow the pace when things get overwhelming. It took self-awareness and practice, but you can get there too!

Practice pausing when you notice your feelings about a situation, and let me know how this helps you change your response.

Read more about stress and overwhelm: 

• Overworked and Overwhelmed? Uncover Your Priorities To Set Yourself Up for Success

• Stop Waiting for the Other Shoe To Drop and Start Practicing Gratitude

• A Real-Life Example of How To Move Through Excessive Worry and Panic

Are you tired of feeling like there’s never enough time in the day? 

Do you constantly say “yes” to everyone and everything, leaving you with no time or energy to focus on what really matters? 

If your to-do list is running your life, it’s time to take back control. 

I’ve just opened enrollment for the first time to The Overwhelm Cure, a transformative 3-month online group program designed to help you break free from the chaos and reclaim your peace, purpose, and joy.